LBK says that he will drive us and the film crew down to the ranch. His driving, undoubtedly insane while on the road, becomes doubly insane once we get off the road and onto ranch land. LBK asks me if I have ever been "cactus blasting." Since, of course, I haven't, he explains that cactus blasting is when you drive at speeds of 100 mph at cactii. Mr. Marsh and he, he says, do it all the time.

Our first stop will be the Amarillo Ramp, an inclined spiral of earth in the middle of miles of open space. Robert Smithson died while surveying the site in a small plane, and the piece was finished posthumously. When we finally arrive, we find that LBK has spray painted many of the rocks on the ramp lime green. People are mad about it, he says, but fuck them.

After seeing the ramp, we stop by the Marsh house ("Toad Hall"), where there are cases upon cases of tonic water in the garage, and several large peacocks wandering around the driveway. We see some of Stanley Marsh 3's own work, most of which falls into the category of "art jokes." A sign that says "ACTUAL SIZE" sits on a hill, etc.


We drive through a circle where there are lots of what look to be street signs, all lined up against a fence. The street signs say things like "Joan of Arc on Fire" and "J. Edgar Hoover Teeth, 25 cents." LBK tells us that they make the signs for Marsh and put them up all around Amarillo until someone takes them down. Then they go to the sign graveyard on the ranch.

LBK floats in mid-air, taking pictures of the sign graveyard.

We drive to Floating Mesa, a land art installation by Andrew Leicester that is supposed to make the top part of a hill look as if it is floating. It almost works, but is something of a one-trick piece.

LBK explains Floating Mesa.

When we make it to Cadillac Ranch, it is snowing full-on, and we walk the half-mile out into the middle of the field with the film crew. Brett takes some photos; we talk to a family in an RV, and then the whole party goes for hot chocolate together. I look up Stanley Marsh on Wikipedia and find out that he settled four lawsuits alleging sexual misconduct with teenagers.

Documentary film crew at Cadillac Ranch

Brett and I are returned to our broken car by LBK, who tells us about his art projects and his destiny, which is to be an art star. We thank him and wait for the tow truck. That night we stay in an area off of I-40 that isn't meant for walking. We hike across parking lots and empty fields to find an all-you-can-eat buffet, which is amazing. We go to see Avatar. A girl in the bathroom of the movie theater compliments my earmuffs, and tells me that she's never seen earmuffs before. Brett tries to criticize the movie; I tell him to be quiet, and he does it anyway.